This Way To Happiness
by FinalMax
Summary: SI. This is what happens when you get stuck in someone's head. Chapter Two Beta Version is now up!
1. Prologue: A Dark and Stormy Night

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Gainax. Don't own Evangelion. Don't sue.  
  
Author's Notes: This is my first attempt at a self-insert fanfiction. I'm  
going for an unusual approach. I've read stories where various beings took  
residence inside Shinji's head. They include God, Asuka, an Angel, his  
mother, and Cupid. I would like to try to put me inside Shinji's brain.  
  
By the way:  
  
[This is thought]  
  
"This is speech."  
  
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This Way to Happiness  
  
By FinalMax  
  
A Richter Scale Production  
  
Prologue: One Dark and Stormy Night  
  
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*The Evening Before the "Over the Rainbow" Incident: Shinji's room*  
  
As Shinji lay in bed in his darkened room, he couldn't help but to reflect  
upon the events that led to this moment. He listens to track 26 on his  
SDAT, his favorite song for reflection. Like countless nights before, he  
wonders if he really made the right choice by staying in Tokyo-3. Let's go  
see what he's thinking about right now.  
  
[Just think, tomorrow, I'll be out of town. Sure, it's just to pick up  
Unit 02 and the Second Child, but I'd rather be there than stuck at NERV  
for one of Ritsuko's tests. I wonder what the Second is like. I think  
Misato said that the pilot is another girl and that her name is Asuka  
Langley Sohryu. I hope I make a good impression with her so she'd like me.  
What am I thinking? I haven't even met her, and I'm already hoping she  
doesn't hate me the moment she sees me! I am so pathetic . . .]  
  
*Meanwhile, in our universe*  
  
(To myself) "Damn thunderstorms, they just have to strike when I'm trying  
to get some sleep. Oh well, at least I can expect some interesting dreams  
tonight. I don't know why they always happen during these things. I just  
hope that it's pleasant and that I'll remember it in the morning."  
  
CRRASH! A bolt of lightning struck the ground, just inches away from my  
bedroom window. Fortunately, I was already asleep  
  
*Back to Shinji's Room: in fact, inside Shinji's head*  
  
Shinji: " . . . I am so pathetic, aren't I?"  
  
Me: "I wouldn't know; I just got here."  
  
Believe me when I say that I was just as surprised as Shinji. I had no  
damn clue what was going on. I didn't know if I was dead or what. Maybe I  
was dreaming again. Every time there's a thunderstorm, I have very bizarre  
dreams. I can partially explain why, but it's still strange. Anyways, it  
was safe to say that Shinji was slightly disturbed by my presence.  
  
Shinji: "WTF? Who or what the hell are you?"  
  
Me: "Calm down man. My name is Kurt. I'm a human being like you, I  
think. Anyway, who are you and where am I?"  
  
Shinji: "Well, my name's Shinji Ikari, and as to where you are, I  
think you are in my mind. Oh no! Have I finally gone insane?"  
  
Me: "I don't think so; this happens to me every once in a while.  
Although, this is the first time I've actually made contact with  
another person."  
  
Shinji: "Just what the hell are you talking about?"  
  
Me: "Sorry, I'll explain. I am an empath. I have the unique  
ability to sense emotions from other people, and I even sense the  
feelings people hide from each other. Sometimes, I am able to go  
beyond that and actually experience things from another's perspective.  
This usually happens when I am asleep during a thunderstorm. I know  
this because I am never in the dream. I'm more or less observing the  
dream, while able to sense everything within from the person I share a  
mind with. I've never been in direct contact with my 'link' before,  
so I've never found out if I've experienced a conscious action, a  
dream, or a memory. So, uh, where are we and what year is it?" I had  
a clue where I was when Shinji told me his name, but I had to make  
sure.  
  
Shinji: "We're in Tokyo-3, and the year is 2015. Is that helpful?"  
  
My hopes have just been confirmed. I'm going to have a lot of fun here. I  
wonder how long I'll be allowed to stay this time. I'd honestly like to  
see the world of Evangelion from the real front row seats; I can even see  
the things in between all the episodes. And besides, with my knowledge of  
what happens in the series, I could help him out. Hey, he deserves a few  
good moments, and we can all use a few more laughs.  
  
Me: "Yep. That helped me more than you'll ever know. So, what do  
you do here?" (As if I didn't already have an idea.)  
  
Shinji: "I work for my father's organization, NERV. More  
specifically, I pilot this thing called the Evangelion. It's this  
giant living robot that was built for fighting monsters called Angels.  
Sound's crazy, huh?"  
  
Me: "I don't know, I've heard of weirder things. I've got an idea.  
Is it okay if you turn a light on or something? I want to take a good  
look at this place. Is it all right if I look around your memories  
for a bit? I promise I won't try to bring bad ones up to the  
surface."  
  
Shinji: "Sure. I'm going to get something to drink anyways, so have fun."  
  
*Back to the Apartment*  
  
As Shinji left his room, I started to rummage around in his head for his  
memories. I think I took a left when I should have taken a right, because  
I somehow ended up at his hypothalamus, the control center for Shinji's  
body. While interesting and possibly useful to know, I figured that it  
just wasn't right to stay there. After looking at the map of Shinji's  
brain, I took the most direct path to his optical center. Hey, I might as  
well know what's going on around my host.  
  
Me: [Damn, I can't get any sound in here. Maybe I should have  
stayed in the control center. At least I get a view of 20/20 vision  
around here. Looks like he's getting something to drink.]  
  
Shinji reached into the refrigerator, looking for some juice before he  
realized that there wasn't any. I noticed, however, that there really was  
fifty gallons of beer. It was truly a sight to behold. Anyways, Shinji  
then went to the sink to get himself a glass of water. I decided to ask  
him some more questions.  
  
Me: "Hey, Shinji. I was wondering, where is everyone? I noticed  
that this place is kind of dark. I seriously doubt that you live here  
by yourself. Is this place an apartment or a guest house?"  
  
Shinji: "This is an apartment. You're right; I don't live by myself.  
I live with Misato Katsuragi, operations director at NERV. I don't  
think she's here right now."  
  
Me: "What's this Misato like? Is she nice and quiet, or is she a  
little rude and noisy?" [I already know quite a bit about her, but I  
think I should get his opinion of her.]  
  
Shinji: "Misato's a bit of everything you've asked. There are times  
when she's quiet and considerate, and then there are times when she's  
the most out of control tease I've ever met. She means well. I know  
she just wants me to feel good about myself. She can beat anyone at  
'Paper, Rock, Scissors.' She pretends to be all confident and  
cheerful, but I know better. She gets depressed, just like me. I've  
seen her get upset at me, although I cannot blame her. She wanted me  
to follow her orders, but I didn't listen. I had my reasons though."  
  
Me: "Oh, tell me about it."  
  
Shinji: "My friends were in the entry plug with me while I fought  
the Fourth Angel. Misato wanted me to retreat, so they'd be somewhere  
safer. I was afraid that I couldn't get them to safety in time, so I  
fought the Angel. I killed it right as Unit 01 ran out of power. She  
was pissed that I disobeyed her orders, and chewed me out for it. I  
still felt guilty about something that happened earlier to me, and the  
pressure just got to me. I ran away shortly after that. But you  
should know that already, since you were looking through my memories."  
  
Me: "Well, I didn't exactly find where you keep your memories, so I  
didn't know about it. Thanks for telling me. I understand how  
difficult it is to recall bad memories. And, thanks for not  
dismissing me as a delusion."  
  
Shinji: "Don't worry about it. After spending some time fighting  
building-sized monsters, you begin to believe anything's possible."  
He took a drink from his glass before heading back to his room.  
  
Me: "Well, tell me some more things about your time here in Tokyo-3.  
I'd also like to know what you hope for in the future."  
  
Shinji: "Ok, I think it'll be good to talk some more. Now, where  
to begin . . ."  
  
He then told me about how he first arrived there, his interaction with  
people at school, the enigma known as Ayanami Rei, and his hopes for the  
future. I really have to admire how he holds on to the hope that his  
father will be a part of his family again. Even more impressive is his  
hope to have friends and the one thing that all of us look for, love. I  
can't help but wish to help him out, you know.  
  
Shinji: ". . . and that's about it. Tomorrow, we're going to pick  
up the Second Child and Unit 02. I just hope I can make a good first  
impression. Well, it's late, so I think I'm going to listen to some  
music before going to sleep. Do you have a favorite kind of music  
that I could have played for you? Since you might be here for a  
little bit longer, I think I should be at least a little hospitable  
for my guest."  
  
Me: "Thanks, but I honestly don't know what you have to work with.  
I'll tell you if there's something I might like. I have this strange  
feeling that you don't have some good, old-fashioned, rock and roll in  
your collection, right? Anyway, just listen to what makes you feel  
good."  
  
Shinji: "You're right; I don't have rock and roll. Thank you for  
being understanding. Well, either I'll speak to you in the morning,  
or I won't. Either way, good night, Kurt."  
  
Me: "Good night, Shinji. Shinji, if I'm still here in the morning,  
I'll do what I can to help you out with any problems that may occur  
for you."  
  
Shinji: "Why do you want to help me?"  
  
Me: "Because I know what it feels like to be alone. Maybe I can  
help you sort out your feelings for others or help you understand  
their feelings. You deserve to be happy, so I'm going to help you  
find it."  
  
Shinji: "Thanks, Kurt. When you put it that way, I hope you'll be  
here in the morning."  
  
Me: "I hope so too, Shinji. I hope so too."  
  
As Shinji fell asleep, I looked around in his memories to find any happy  
moments in his life. It was depressing to see how few of those he really  
had, but at least he had some. I then listened to the music playing in  
Shinji's head, obviously from his SDAT player. I could clearly recognize  
the 'Moonlight Sonata' playing in his head.  
  
As I listened to the serene tones of the sonata, I looked at the plain of  
his dreamscape to see a mysterious sight. I could see a small child  
running towards a woman with midnight blue eyes and shoulder-length brown  
hair. The look on the child's face was one of innocence and joy, as was  
the look on the woman. As the song wound down, I heard the woman say,  
"That's a good boy, Shinji. Mommy's so proud of you. You ran all the way  
here without falling." I could tell that this is his most precious memory,  
one that he recalls every Friday night. After all, it was Friday, and  
Friday is Beethoven Day.  
  
To Be Continued.  
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I don't know why I made this be a prologue; I just felt like it. I have  
this strange feeling that this may last a long time. Maybe I'm just going  
crazy. I'm not sure how long the next chapter is going to be. C+C will be  
appreciated. I intend on this being a humor/romance story, but that may be  
subject to change. 


	2. Chapter One: Across the Fiery Ocean

Disclaimer: Don't own Gainax. Don't own Evangelion. Don't sue. No  
point, no money.  
  
[This is thought]  
  
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This Way To Happiness  
  
Chapter One: Across The Fiery Ocean  
  
By FinalMax  
  
A Richter Scale Production  
  
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*Shinji and Misato's Apartment: Early Morning*  
  
I woke Shinji up around 7:00, I think. He wasn't ready to get up yet, but  
I finally managed to convince him to get out of bed. All it took was for  
me to say that I thought I heard Misato start on breakfast. Of course, it  
wasn't true, but it worked. Since we share the same body, we went to the  
bathroom. I figured that we should be clean for our trip today, and I  
wondered what I've got to work with here. Good, we have ten fingers, ten  
toes, five appendages, two eyes, good teeth, and a little bit of fuzz for a  
moustache. Huh, they didn't mention that in the series. It's not really a  
moustache, but it's a start. Shinji's build isn't really muscular, per se,  
but not really scrawny either. Actually, with a little bit of work, he  
could be quite the heartbreaker at school and at work.  
  
When Shinji was done in the bathroom, we headed for the kitchen to start on  
breakfast. I was still wondering how I managed to stay for this long.  
[What the hell is going on around here? I've never stayed this long in  
someone's head. Maybe, it's because I've only visited minds of people from  
my own universe before now. I'm going to need some more time to figure  
this out. Ah well, I might as well enjoy this turn of events. After all,  
I did promise to help out Shinji. I can probably help influence a few  
things for Shinji, but I honestly can't change everything around here. Oh,  
shit. I didn't think about what effect my presence is going to have on  
Shinji's piloting. I've got to tell him; he deserves to know.] I decided  
to talk to him then, since Shinji was frying some eggs.  
  
Me: "Hey, Shinji. I've got something to talk to you about."  
  
Shinji: "What is it, Kurt?"  
  
Me: "I know I promised to help you, but I'm afraid that I can't  
always help you. There are going to be challenges that you will have  
to face alone. I can give you advice, I can root for you, but I can't  
fight all your battles for you. I'm also afraid of what will happen  
when you pilot an EVA, since I'm in your head. NERV may want to kill  
you if they find me."  
  
Shinji: "I see what you mean. I don't really want to pilot EVA,  
and I don't really want to die either. Maybe we should make a run for  
it, OK?" [Although I don't want to run either.]  
  
Me: "No, Shinji. We can't run from them. I could see if I can hide  
during the test. Maybe I could rummage in your memories while you're  
trying to sync with Unit 01. One of the things I'm going to help you  
with is your courage. I know you have it. I saw it when you first  
piloted your EVA. It takes real courage to stand up to protect even  
one person. I'm not going to let you throw that kind of courage away.  
Let's just get ready for today. We'll worry about EVA when the next  
test comes. For now, we'll just live for the moment." [Please, let  
this work.]  
  
Shinji: "Alright, Kurt. We'll do things your way. To be honest,  
I'm glad you convinced me to stay. I didn't want to leave my friends  
behind. I just want to live with them in peace."  
  
Me: "Good, I'm glad it worked. Now, let's finish getting breakfast  
ready."  
  
As we finished our mental discourse, Pen-Pen waddled into the kitchen for  
his breakfast. Shinji jumped when Pen-Pen pecked at his ankle. God, that  
was funny. Shinji had to introduce me to everyone's favorite warm water  
penguin. Shinji gave Pen-Pen some sardines and a can of beer before  
returning to breakfast.  
  
Misato crawled out of bed at 7:45. I can't really say that she was awake  
yet. At first glance, Misato looked like a zombie. Slowly, she dragged  
her feet to the fridge, got her first beer of the morning, and took a long  
pull from the can. Immediately, her body seemed to come to life. I was  
honestly tempted to cry out, "She's alive! Alive!!" She looked a hell of  
a lot better now. Her purple hair, although messy, seemed to flow down her  
shoulders like water. Her normal morning wear left little to the  
imagination. I'd say that her measurements are 40-26-36, E cup. Of  
course, I can't be too sure.  
  
Now that she awoke, Shinji and I gave her breakfast. She rewarded Shinji's  
kindness with a warm, tender smile and a bear hug. Well, at least I can  
say that she has one hell of a grip. After she let go of Shinji's body  
(and, consequentially, my body), Misato teased Shinji of trying to look  
good for the Second Child when we'd pick her up today.  
  
Shinji mentally pointed out that, although she's his guardian, he feels  
like he's taking care of her. I had to have a discussion with him about  
that.  
  
Me: "Yo, Shinji."  
  
Shinji: "What's up?"  
  
Me: "Misato seems pretty nice."  
  
Shinji: "Yeah, she is sort of nice. I don't know."  
  
Me: "Shinji, my friend, you have a lot to learn about others. Do  
you remember when I told you that I'm an empath?"  
  
Shinji: "Yeah. What about it, Kurt?"  
  
Me: "Well, I can see what other people feel. I can see into the  
core of their being, into the part that they hide from everyone, even  
themselves. I can tell you what they feel about you. I can't tell  
you how everyone you've ever met feels for you, as many of them are  
still trying to sort those feelings. I can, however, tell you how  
people you are close to feel. I can tell you what Misato feels for  
you right now, if you like."  
  
Shinji: "Really? Well, I would like to know how she feels. I  
couldn't figure it out after I ran away; her feelings seemed to change  
a bit. Would you tell me, please?"  
  
Me: "Sure. First, I need you to look in Misato's eyes. That should  
make it easier for me."  
  
Shinji gently tilted Misato's head so we could look in her eyes. I could  
see tears forming in her eyes from Shinji's touch. Her smile was almost as  
bright as the sun. After a couple seconds, I was able to tell him.  
"Shinji, in her heart, you are the son she never had. You are her hope for  
the future. She is torn between motherly love and duty. She deeply  
regrets that you have to fight, but she can't imagine the world in any  
other way. This is because she'd have to imagine a life without you in it.  
Yes, she wishes that everything and nothing would change. She'd do  
anything for you, but can't do the one thing she knows would make you  
happy. She would bear all your pain if you let her. I think that it would  
be best if you opened up to her. You need her, and she needs you. [They  
need each other more than they know] Shinji, give her a hug. It sounds  
lame, but it would make her happier than she's been in a long time."  
  
Shinji slowly walked beside Misato, knelt down, and wrapped his arms around  
his guardian. Misato tensed at the gentle embrace for a second, surprised  
at her young ward's sudden show of affection. After she recovered from the  
shock, she wrapped her right arm around Shinji's neck and pulled him into  
an even bigger bear hug, smiling as she did so. "Shinji," Misato said with  
joyful tears in her eyes, "you've made me happy. I've been so worried  
about you. I was afraid that you'd stay in your shell. You're always so  
quiet, and I never know how you feel about me."  
  
Slowly, Pen-Pen strode over and pulled on Misato's shirt a little. Misato  
and Shinji looked at the penguin and guessed that he felt left out, so each  
of them released an arm and invited the feathered member of this  
interesting family into the hug. After a minute more of this group hug,  
they left each other's arms and continued with breakfast. No words needed  
to be spoken at this point; there wasn't any need. Breakfast and the  
breakfast dishes were done within fifteen minutes. As Shinji was getting  
everything cleaned up, he decided to have a conversation with me.  
  
Shinji: "Hey, Kurt."  
  
Me: "I know, Shinji. You're welcome. Let's get ready; I can  
already sense your friends approaching. They seem excited today."  
  
Shinji: "Yeah. They're probably drooling over Misato, although  
Kensuke is probably excited to go see Unit 02 or some kind of military  
toys."  
  
(Ding-Dong!)  
  
Shinji: "That's them now, I'll bet. Kurt?"  
  
Me: "What is it, Shinji?"  
  
Shinji: "I don't think I need you to tell me how they feel. I already  
know."  
  
Me: "That's good to know, Shinji. Let's go, bud."  
  
Then Shinji went to answer the door. Touji and Kensuke were at the door,  
drooling at Misato, who happened to be standing behind Shinji. When the  
two Stooges got their tongues back in their skulls, Misato, Touji, Kensuke,  
and Shinji left for the helicopter that would take them to the "Over the  
Rainbow" and Unit 02.  
  
*The "Over The Rainbow"*  
  
As the chopper hovered above the "Over the Rainbow," Kensuke was rambling  
on about the history of the carrier, its capacity, and other tidbits of  
useless military information. Touji was taking a nap until his own snoring  
woke him up. Misato was asking all of us if we thought this was fun; most  
of us grunted an affirmative. Shinji and I were having a nice internal  
discussion about some very important things.  
  
Me: " . . . So let me get this straight: you save the world, go to  
school, are used as a guinea pig for god-knows-how-many experiments,  
and you don't get paid?"  
  
Shinji: "That's right. They didn't even give Misato a raise when  
she became my guardian. I don't really spend much. It's not like I  
need it, anyways."  
  
Me: "And why is that?"  
  
Shinji: "I'd get money from my father every year for my birthday.  
I've bought very little with it, just my cello, a jacket, some  
clothes, my SDAT, and some tapes for it. I put the rest in a bank  
account."  
  
Me: "Well that's good, but you still aren't getting paid. You save  
the world for a living, for crying out loud! You deserve a paycheck,  
not to mention hazard pay!"  
  
Shinji: "You know what? You've got a point. Rei and I should be  
getting paid. I'm going to take it up with NERV when we get back."  
  
As we got out of the chopper, the wind generated by the helicopter blades  
made Touji's hat fly away from him. He kept chasing it, calling out to  
anyone to catch his hat. It was funny to see him run the entire width of  
the carrier twice. I didn't think a hat could be that slippery.  
  
Suddenly, a foot stopped the hat's rampage. Shinji's eyes followed the leg  
attached to the foot and the body with it, stopping at a girl's face. Her  
auburn hair flowed as if it were made of fire, topped with her trademark A-  
10 neural interfaces. Her sapphire eyes sparkled in the sun. Her skin was  
cream colored, not too pale, and not too tan. Her figure was accented by  
her yellow sundress. Shinji and I both had the same thought in our  
collective head: [Damn, she's gorgeous.] So this is Asuka. I can't  
believe she's a fourteen year old. At the time, neither the three stooges  
nor myself could produce a coherent thought.  
  
That changed after the wind blew Asuka's dress up, giving all of us guys a  
good look at her underwear, or lack thereof. I knew what would happen  
next, so I just went with it. (SMACK!) I felt the imprint of a hand on  
Shinji's (and mine) face.  
  
"Ow!" Touji said, "What the hell was that for."  
  
"That was the viewing fee," Asuka stated.  
  
Shinji and I thought it was a very reasonable rate. Hell, it's probably  
cheap. Unfortunately, Touji didn't think so, the idiot. He did something  
that we would all regret. "I think it's a little much. Here's your  
change!" Touji said before he dropped trow in front of Asuka. He deserved  
to get hit, but he didn't need to get kicked in the nuts! That's just too  
low.  
  
"So where's the Third Child?" Asuka asked, glancing at the prone form of  
Touji. "Don't tell me that he's that pervert over there."  
  
"Don't worry, Asuka," Misato said, pointing at Shinji. "Shinji over here  
is the Third Child."  
(To Shinji) [Go ahead. Introduce yourself. Try to make a good  
impression.]  
  
"H-h-hi. I-I'm . . ." Shinji began to mumble.  
  
(To Myself) [Geez, I'm going to have to do something for him. Now I know I  
saw a confidence switch in here somewhere, so where is it? Ah, there it  
is. It's right above the meekness board. No wonder he hasn't found it.  
We'll just flip that switch and . . . there! That should help. Maybe I  
should read the owner's manual.]  
  
"Hello," Shinji said smoothly. "I'm Shinji. It's a pleasure to meet you."  
Then he took her hand in his and kissed it ever so gently. [Where'd this  
confidence come from?]  
  
"Whatever," Asuka said rather coldly, although the blush on her cheeks told  
a different story. After collecting her thoughts for a second, she added,  
"At least you know how to introduce yourself properly to a lady like me. I  
am, after all . . . Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Shinji and I turned our head to see  
what was so funny.  
  
As this interesting introduction took place, one could spot three jaws fall  
through the deck of the "Over the Rainbow." The shocked look on Misato's,  
Touji's, and Kensuke's faces was absolutely hilarious. Their faces were  
bleach white, their eyes were practically popping out of their skulls, and  
they had the largest collective sweatdrop ever recorded. Shinji and Asuka  
were laughing their asses off simply from looking at their companions. In  
the distance, however, we heard a distinctively male voice say, "So you're  
the Third."  
  
At the sound of the new voice, Misato seemed to immediately break out of  
her trance. Both Shinji and Misato looked in the direction of the voice,  
and they found an unshaven man, wearing loose, casual clothing. "Kaji!!"  
squealed Asuka, as she attached herself to his arm. Meanwhile, Misato shot  
Kaji one of her death glares.  
  
Kaji was slightly taller than the average man, about 5'11", by my estimate.  
He had this laid-back attitude that can just attract people to him. That  
would definitely explain the swarm of women with "I Love You, Kaji" signs  
about fifty yards back. I could tell that Misato and him have some kind of  
history between them. Shinji might want to know a little about this.  
  
Me: "Hey, Shinji. Yo! Shinji! Stop drooling over Asuka and pay  
attention!"  
  
Shinji: "Huh, uh, what? Hey, I'm not drooling! What do you want now,  
Kurt?"  
  
Me: "I noticed something as Misato and Kaji looked at each other.  
They may have some kind of history between them."  
  
Shinji: "What kind of history?"  
  
Me: "The romantic kind, of course. I sense a longing from Kaji  
towards Misato. What's even more interesting is that I sense the same  
from Misato, mingled with some regret. You may want to talk to her  
later about it, okay?"  
  
Shinji: "Okay, thanks. I'll talk to her about it when we get  
home. Oh, and do you know what made me so confident all of a sudden?"  
  
Me: "Yeah, uh, about that . . . "  
  
Shinji: "Well?"  
  
Me: "I just hit the confidence switch in your head."  
  
Shinji: "You can do that? Why?"  
  
Me: "You said you wanted to make a good impression with Asuka,  
didn't you?"  
  
Shinji: "Well, yeah."  
  
Me: "Well, there you go. Don't worry about thanking me; I'm just  
doing what I said I'd do for you. Now, go catch up with everyone.  
They're heading for the mess hall."  
  
The others were about to turn a corner when Shinji finally caught up with  
them. Touji and Kensuke teased Shinji a little about his earlier actions  
with Asuka. I chuckled as Shinji began to turn several shades of red, at  
some point matching Asuka's hair. Asuka noticed too, and she started in on  
the other two stooges, especially Touji. This was fine by Shinji, since  
Touji teased him the most that day. Within a few minutes, the group was in  
the mess. They found a free table and sat down to have a (quiet?) talk.  
  
"So, Shinji," Kaji inquired, "is Misato still wild in bed?"  
  
"W-W-What!?!" Misato and just about everyone else at the table shouted.  
  
"Ha, ha, ha!" Kaji laughed. "Don't worry, I wasn't serious. I just wanted  
to see your reactions. Now, Shinji, seriously, how was she?"  
  
"I-I-I have no idea what you're talking about, Mr. Kaji," Shinji answered.  
  
"How dare you think that I'd stoop that low, Kaji!" Misato fumed. "I'll  
have you know that my Shinji is a perfect gentleman. Besides, I'm almost  
old enough to be his mother."  
  
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Don't hurt me, at least, not outside the bedroom,"  
Kaji retorted.  
  
At this point, Misato was too flustered to make any rational response. So  
she stormed off to the bridge. Shinji was also too embarrassed to say  
anything. Fortunately for Shinji, Asuka decided to drag him out of the  
mess before Touji and Kensuke could taunt him any more. She dragged Shinji  
over to where Unit 02 was being stored, and started to rant about how great  
her EVA is to his and all that nice nine yards worth of bullshit.  
  
Thankfully, she finished before poor Shinji fell asleep. The two pilots  
rushed to the deck as they heard a shrill alarm. There was only one thing  
that could cause this much trouble for a whole goddamn fleet, an Angel.  
Quickly, Asuka dragged Shinji to a stairwell and told him to stay put and  
not peek. She then went down one set of stairs and swiftly changed into a  
red plugsuit. Shinji took a brief glance in Asuka's direction to see if  
she was okay. [Alright, he took a little peek, but I don't blame him. He  
is one of us guys, you know.] After she finished changing, Asuka gave  
Shinji a plugsuit and told him to go change.  
  
"Don't peek," Shinji said.  
  
"Yeah, right. Like I'm going to peek at a scrawny little boy," Asuka  
puffed.  
  
While Shinji was changing, Asuka did peek at him. [I noticed from the  
corner of Shinji's left eye, since he was a little too busy with the  
plugsuit.] She laughed uncontrollably when Shinji emerged, wearing a  
women's plugsuit. He was absolutely embarrassed, and the damn plugsuit  
left one hellacious wedgie. [Poor Shinji, I feel for you, buddy.]  
  
After Asuka was done laughing at my host, she dragged a confused and  
frustrated Shinji to Unit 02's entry plug. Shinji asked the red headed  
beauty what we were going to do. "We're going to fight the Angel,  
Dummkopf," Asuka declared. In a matter of moments, Shinji was sitting  
behind Asuka Langley Sohryu in her EVA. She didn't know that his thoughts  
would interrupt with Unit 02's startup sequence until the screen flashed  
'ERROR' in German. She quickly switched it to Japanese after calling  
Shinji an idiot. It was when the startup sequence was completed when I  
felt a little strange.  
  
Me: "Shinji."  
  
Shinji: "Well, Kurt, it seems it's alright for you to be in my  
head when an EVA is starting up. I'm glad that concern has been  
settled."  
  
Me: "That's not what I called out to you for. I'm picking up a  
strange vibe in here."  
  
Shinji: "What do you mean? I don't feel anymore different than  
when I'm in EVA."  
  
Me: "I sense three minds other than my own. I sense yours, I can  
sense Asuka more clearly than before, and I sense another presence in  
here. I'm not too sure what this means. I'm having a bit of trouble  
separating the minds of you, Asuka, and the third mind. I've been  
concentrating a lot just to talk to you."  
  
Shinji: "Do you think the Angel has already infected the EVA?"  
  
Me: "No, this third mind is definitely human. I can sense the Angel  
from a distance, and it's not the same."  
  
Asuka: [Now's my chance, now I can prove that I'm better than  
this Third Child, Shinji Ikari. All I've got to do is beat this Angel  
and . . .]  
  
Me: "Huh?"  
  
Shinji: "What is it?"  
  
Me: "That's strange. I just picked up Asuka's thoughts as clearly  
as I did yours. Maybe it's the entry plug and the LCL that's doing  
this."  
  
Shinji: "Maybe you're right. I just wonder whom the third mind  
you sensed belongs to. Is he or she on our side?"  
  
Me: "I'm not sure, Shinji. I think I have a little more mobility  
around here, so I'll try to investigate. I might be able to freely  
move from person to person now, but I want you to concentrate on the  
battle. Trust me when I say that Asuka may need your help."  
  
Shinji: "Okay, I'll do it. Good luck and be careful."  
  
Me: "Okay, bye."  
  
*Within the mindscape of EVA Unit 02*  
  
And so, I went into the mindscape of the EVA. I was able to reach Asuka's  
mind before I felt something pulling me into some kind of void. I would  
have called out to Shinji, but I didn't know if he'd get pulled in too. As  
my descent in the mindscape of EVA continued, I heard a strange, but  
definitely female, voice.  
  
????: "Who are you?"  
  
Me: "I should be asking the same thing, don't you think?"  
  
????: "I say again, 'Who are you?'"  
  
Me: "I am Kurt. May I ask who you are?"  
  
????: "I am Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu. What are you doing here?"  
  
Me: "I'm just visiting. I was just looking around . . . Wait a  
minute. You said 'Sohryu,' right? By any chance, are you related to  
an Asuka Langley Sohryu?"  
  
Kyoko: "Yes, I am her mother. Do you know her? How has she been  
doing? Is she alright?"  
  
Me: "Don't worry, she's alright. She's in the entry plug of Unit 02  
right now, preparing to fight an Angel."  
  
Kyoko: "So, she's been chosen to pilot. But she's so young. The  
Angels shouldn't be attacking until . . . just what year is it  
anyway?"  
  
Me: "It's 2015, Mrs. Sohryu."  
  
Kyoko: "But I was in an experiment with Unit 02 a couple days ago."  
  
Me: "Madam, I hate to bear bad news, but you've been dead for about  
a decade. You committed suicide. Your daughter's fourteen, now."  
  
Kyoko: "No! It just isn't possible. I could never do that; I love  
Asuka too much to do that, even if I wanted to."  
  
Me: "I might have an explanation, but I need to ask a question for  
you first. What exactly was this experiment you were in?"  
  
Kyoko: "After the unfortunate accident with Yui Ikari and Unit 01, we  
decided to use a system similar to the experimental Magi computer  
system AI. It was basically a personality and thought process  
emulator. I had to sync with Unit 02, while a computer recorded my  
brain wave patterns for imprinting. Oh, no!"  
  
Me: "Yes, I'm afraid. The information you just gave me confirmed a  
hypothesis. Like the accident with Unit 01, your encounter with Unit  
02 tore your mind from your body. You see, after your experiment, you  
were put in the hospital for a nervous breakdown. You even started  
calling a red-haired doll 'Asuka' and kept asking it if she wanted to  
go to heaven with you. Then, on the day the real Asuka was chosen to  
be the pilot of Unit 02, your daughter walked in to see you and the  
doll hanging from the ceiling."  
  
Kyoko: "Oh my god. What have I done to my poor Asuka?"  
  
Me: "It didn't get much better after that. Your husband got  
remarried not long after your death, and your daughter started  
shutting everyone out of her life. She's been living only to pilot  
since that day, after she promised to never need anyone ever again.  
I'm so sorry that I had to be the one to inform you about this."  
  
Kyoko: "Oh, my dear Asuka. I didn't know. I just didn't know."  
  
At this point, Kyoko Sohryu broke down and cried. I don't like to see  
women suffer, so I gently held her and gave her a proverbial shoulder to  
cry on. I didn't know what to do or how to get back. I did know what was  
going on outside, but I wasn't sure how far into the battle Shinji and  
Asuka were in.  
  
Me: "Kyoko, I need you to do something for me."  
  
Kyoko: "What?"  
  
Me: "I need to see the fight outside. Whether you like it or not,  
you now inhabit Unit 02. You can make it move, see through its eyes,  
and protect your daughter. I'm going to suggest some things so just  
do what I say, okay?"  
  
Kyoko: "Okay, I'll try."  
  
Me: "Good. Now focus on a looking glass. Imagine seeing the  
outside world through it. Try to reach out to your daughter's mind if  
you must. Extend yourself as far as your mind will go."  
  
Kyoko: "I think I'm getting something. Yes! Look! We have our  
looking glass! I can see it . . . "  
  
*Meanwhile, at the battle*  
  
Unit 02 leaps from ship to ship until it reaches the carrier, where its  
primary power was set up. As it leaps onto the carrier, the tarp that  
acted as a cape was thrown away, revealing the red knight known as EVA. As  
it lands, however, one of the two pilots inside the entry plug falls out of  
his place.  
  
Shinji: [Damn it! I fell off the pilot's chair. That's what I  
get for sitting behind one of the bossiest people I've ever met.  
Where is this Angel, anyway? I can't see it anywhere. Wait, we're on  
the ocean; it's underwater, isn't it? Damn my bad luck. That's the  
last time I let someone convince me to ride sidesaddle in an entry  
plug. I just hope this crazy bitch doesn't get us killed.]  
  
Asuka: [Ha! That idiot Shinji just fell off his seat. I knew  
there wasn't anything special about the Third Child. It was probably  
a fluke that he could pilot his EVA without training. I mean, who  
gets a 40% sync ratio on their first try. I bet they had him train  
for months after he screwed up. At least I know my EVA doesn't have a  
mind of its own; it will do whatever I say. Now, where is that Angel?  
I want to kill it as soon as possible so I can show up the idiot over  
there. (to her right) Duh, it's probably underwater because it's  
scared of my Unit 02 and me.]  
  
"Asuka," Shinji calmly stated, "we shouldn't try to dive in after it.  
After all, the B-type equipment wasn't exactly designed for underwater  
combat."  
  
"Just because it wasn't designed for it doesn't mean it can't do it," Asuka  
retorted. [Well, it doesn't. Okay, Angel, here comes the Great Asuka  
Langley Sohryu!]  
  
Asuka, in all her arrogance, willed Unit 02 to dive in after the Angel.  
After she caught up with it, Asuka found out very fast that the EVA  
couldn't fight efficiently underwater using only the B-type equipment. All  
the EVA could do was sink slowly to the Angel's mouth.  
  
"Well, what are you waiting for, Third Child?" Asuka screamed, "Are you  
going to help me or what?" [I swear, if he makes one smart-ass remark . .  
.]  
  
"What do you want me to do, Asuka?" the timid hero asked. [I have no damn  
clue what to do here. This isn't like the time I had Kensuke and Touji in  
my entry plug. For one thing, I'm the passenger, and it's her EVA.]  
  
"If I had an idea, wouldn't I have already told you what to do, Shinji?"  
[God, this boy is dense. You'd think he'd have that much common sense.]  
  
"Well, move back a bit. I can't grip the controls correctly if I'm not in  
the seat. We'll figure it out after that, okay?" [I'm lying. I've never  
tried piloting EVA in another position, and I don't think it will matter  
anyway. I just don't want to be bounced around the entry plug anymore.]  
  
After Asuka moved back a bit, Shinji scooted into his temporary seat. He  
blushed a little as Asuka leaned into him to reach her controls. [This  
isn't the time to think like that!] He leaned forward a bit to let her  
reach them a little better. As Asuka gripped the butterfly controls, her  
and Shinji were surprised to hear Misato informing them of her plan to  
defeat the Angel. Unit 02 was to open the aquatic Angel's mouth and hold  
it, while two battleships sink to the same depth. There, the ships would  
fire directly into the Angel's Core, thus killing the monster.  
  
The two pilots slowly shook their heads simultaneously as they considered  
the absurdity of her plan. (Both) [It's a great plan, but there's one  
problem. The EVA can't swim, let alone open an Angel's mouth underwater!  
We're going to need a miracle to pull this off.]  
  
*Meanwhile, back in the mindscape*  
  
Kyoko: "Who's that boy in there with my Asuka?"  
  
Me: "That's my friend and how I got here, Shinji Ikari, the son of Yui  
Ikari."  
  
Kyoko: "You mean he was chosen too? Which unit does he pilot? Why is he  
here?"  
  
Me: "Wait a minute. Let me explain. Yes, he was chosen. He has  
been designated as the Third Child. He pilots EVA Unit 01. He came  
here with the director of field operations to pick up Unit 02 and your  
daughter. Right now, he's fighting an Angel. He doesn't like to  
pilot, because he feels that his father is using him."  
  
Kyoko: "Why is that?"  
  
Me: "Gendo, Shinji's father, left his son shortly after Yui died.  
For about a decade, Shinji has been living with his teacher. Not too  
long ago, Shinji got a letter from his father saying that he wanted to  
talk to Shinji. The day Shinji arrived in Tokyo-3 to meet with his  
father was the very day the Third Angel attacked the Geofront.  
Misato, the director of field operations, picked him up and took him  
to NERV HQ. There, Shinji encountered his father and asked him, 'Why  
did you send for me?' His father told him that he had a use for  
Shinji."  
  
Kyoko: "That's terrible."  
  
Me: "That's not the end of it. Shinji refused to pilot the EVA.  
Gendo decided that if his son wouldn't pilot Unit 01, then he'd have  
the First Child, Rei Ayanami, do it instead. When Rei entered the  
room where Unit 01 was kept, Shinji was absolutely shocked. Rei was  
severely injured from an earlier accident with Unit 00. As Shinji  
looked down at the stretcher Rei lay upon, a blast from the Angel  
shook the compound. Shinji would've been crushed by debris, if Unit  
01 hadn't raised its arm to block it. It shocked everyone in the  
room, since they didn't think EVA would activate without the entry  
plug. He rushed over to the overturned stretcher to check on Rei. As  
he held the fragile female pilot, she gave a soft cry, and Shinji  
noticed the blood now on his hands. He decided there to pilot Unit  
01, despite having no prior training, since he felt that Rei would die  
if she went out in the EVA. He's continued to fight because they tell  
him to. He had a chance to run away after the Fourth Angel, but he's  
stayed. I think he really pilots so no one else would suffer the pain  
of the EVA."  
  
Kyoko: "I had no idea that Gendo would be so cold. I knew how much  
Yui meant to him, but I never imagined that he'd turn his back on his  
son only to use him later. That's so disgusting. I know Yui wouldn't  
have approved of this."  
  
Me: "That makes two of us, but that's all in the past. What matters  
right now is that your daughter and my friend are in trouble. Right  
now, we are all in the EVA. They may have trouble fighting  
underwater. We have to find a way to help them. Do you have any  
ideas?"  
  
Kyoko: "I might have one, but it would require something that might be  
impossible."  
  
Me: "What is it?"  
  
Kyoko: "We might be able to give the EVA a burst of strength to open  
the Angel's jaw so the battleships can attack the Core. The only  
thing is that we need an extremely high sync ratio to help, and with  
two pilots in there, it would mean that both of them must think on the  
same wavelength for it to work. I don't know your friend well enough  
to trust him to be concentrated on fighting the Angel. After all, my  
daughter has grown to be a lovely young woman."  
  
Me: "Don't worry. I've looked through his memories, and he is a  
perfect gentleman. He has been in more . . . compromising positions,  
and he has maintained his composure where lesser men fail. Besides,  
this is a life-or-death situation. He'll get the job done; he just  
needs to get over his embarrassment first."  
  
Kyoko: "Ha, ha, ha. I'll take your word for it. I just hope it'll  
work. I just wonder what I can do for them."  
  
Me: "Maybe, since we're also in the EVA, we should try to encourage  
it. Maybe we should chant 'Open' over and over until the EVA opens  
the Angel's mouth."  
  
Kyoko: "It sounds too simple, but it's better than nothing."  
  
Me: [It's up to you two now, Asuka and Shinji. The world can't  
afford to lose you two, not now, not ever. Those two are more  
important than they may think. Besides, I don't know what will happen  
if my host dies. I know they'll succeed, but I just can't help but  
worry. Now, how do I get back in Shinji's head? I didn't exactly see  
any road signs or anything . . .] (This was while Kyoko and me were  
chanting)  
  
*Back in the fray*  
  
As the battleships were approaching their destination, Unit 02 and its two  
pilots were having some problems. The Angel ate the progressive knife, and  
the EVA was a little waterlogged. On top of that, the EVA was having  
little progress opening the Angel's mouth.  
  
(Asuka) [Damn it, why does this shit always happen to me? First, my  
laundry wasn't done, and then those Stooges got a free look up my dress,  
and now this! Why did I drag that Shinji into my EVA? He's breaking my  
concentration. Forget him! I need to concentrate. Open up you son of a  
bitch! You hear me? Open, open, open, open . . .]  
  
(Shinji) [Why me? Why do I always end up in these situations? First, I  
embarrass myself at Misato's on my first night living there. Then there's  
the incident from when I delivered Rei's new passcard, and now I've got a  
beautiful girl leaning forwards on my back. As if I needed more pressure,  
she has to press her chest against my back. I swear she's doing this to me  
deliberately. (Mentally slaps himself) I've got more important things to  
worry about now. I've got this damned Angel to deal with. Open your  
damned mouth! Open up! Open! Please open? Open, open . . .]  
  
Asuka & Shinji: [Open!]  
  
Kyoko & me: [Open!]  
  
Suddenly, as our thoughts converged, a surge of power went shooting up the  
arms of EVA Unit 02, opening the mouth of the giant, fishy Angel. Just  
then, the ships arrived and fired into the behemoth's Core.  
  
All minds present in EVA: [Run like hell!]  
  
As this thought crossed all our heads, physical or metaphysical, the EVA  
kicked off the Angel of fishes and launched itself just as it blew up.  
Thankfully, we were able to ride the shockwave to the surface and land on  
the deck of the "Over the Rainbow."  
  
"I really should be getting paid for doing this," Shinji exhaled. "I've  
been doing this way too much without hazard pay."  
  
Asuka just looked at Shinji with a quizzical look and sighed, "Me too."  
  
*In the mindscape*  
  
Me: "Whew, that was close."  
  
Kyoko: "You're telling me. I can't believe it worked. How do you  
think the children are doing right now? I wonder if I can speak to my  
daughter?"  
  
Me: "I think they're alright, but I wouldn't recommend trying to  
contact Asuka right now, if I were you. Think about it; you've been  
dead for the better part of a decade. If you were to contact her now,  
she might have a nervous breakdown."  
  
Kyoko: "I guess you're right. If I spoke with her right now, it would  
be too painful for both of us. I guess I can figure out how to  
control EVA from in here. I may have to keep her safe, just like Yui  
did for Shinji."  
  
Me: (Surprised) "How'd you figure it out?"  
  
Kyoko: "Two things you said brought me to that conclusion. First, you  
said that, like Yui, EVA must have torn my soul out. The second clue  
came when you said that Unit 01 protected Shinji from falling debris  
without anyone piloting it. I just figured that Yui was trapped in  
Unit 01 and learned how to take some control of it. Now I have to  
figure it out for myself."  
  
Me: "Good. Well, I hope you succeed. I've got to leave now."  
  
Kyoko: "Will I speak with you again? It's been so lonely in here, and  
I can't even speak with my daughter. Please, tell me you will come  
back."  
  
Me: "Mrs. Sohryu, Kyoko, I can't say if I'll speak with you again.  
I can promise that I'll try. As for when you can speak with Asuka,  
just be patient. Either she will open up to EVA enough for you to  
speak with her, or you will have to act for her safety. If I can  
figure out how I was able to meet you in the first place, I will  
return and tell you how life has been for her outside of EVA. For  
now, just prepare to protect your precious child. I'll see what I can  
do for her, same as I promised to do for Shinji."  
  
Kyoko: "Thank you, Kurt. I hope we meet again. Farewell, Kurt."  
  
Me: "Until we meet again, Kyoko."  
  
And then, I focused on Shinji's mind, on his memories and feelings. I felt  
myself rise from where I was. I waved at Kyoko as I ascended to Shinji's  
mind. [Maybe I will be able to meet her again. If I can return from the  
EVA to Shinji by simply focusing on his mind, then I might be able to  
travel to other minds in the same way.] As the presence of Shinji's mind  
grew stronger, the world around me seemed to grow brighter. [Yes, I must  
return to Kyoko again. She's been stuck in that dark place by herself for  
too long. That's no way for anyone to live.]  
  
*Back on the "Over the Rainbow"*  
  
Me: "Hey, Shinji?"  
  
Shinji: "Hey, Kurt. What happened?"  
  
Me: "You aren't going to believe this. There's a human soul stuck  
in the Evangelion. Asuka's EVA has the soul of someone close to her.  
I can't tell you more, but I promised her that we'd help Asuka."  
  
Shinji: "What? I can't believe you agreed to without asking me .  
. .. Wait a minute. Her? (Teasingly) Did you find yourself a  
girlfriend in there?"  
  
Me: "NO I DID NOT! She's already married, and that's against my  
beliefs to go for women who are already spoken for. Now, don't tease  
me about it, or I'll hit your mute switch. And don't even think that  
it doesn't exist, or you'll find out the hard way!"  
  
Shinji: "Okay, okay, I'll quit teasing you. So, what do we do?"  
  
Me: "Well, for now, you should try to be a friend for her. Be kind,  
be polite, endure her taunts and assaults, and make her feel welcome.  
In short, just be yourself."  
  
Shinji: "That's it? Well, that seems easy enough."  
  
Me: "That's the spirit! Now, let's get you out of that damn red  
plugsuit before . . . "  
  
(FLASH) Kensuke had just taken a picture of Shinji wearing that damn  
plugsuit Asuka gave him. Shinji just stood as his friends and his guardian  
laughed at him, his face as red as the plugsuit. [Poor Shinji, I'm sorry I  
didn't show up earlier. I sympathize with you. Oh well, I'd better help  
him salvage the rest of this trip.]  
  
Me: "Too late. Just get out of the plugsuit, get clean, and go talk  
to Misato about what we talked about earlier today."  
  
Shinji ran from his friends and over to where he left his clothes, which  
were conveniently missing. [Only one person could cause this much trouble,  
Asuka.]  
  
"What's wrong, Shinji?" Asuka asked with an overly sweet voice. "Did you  
lose something?"  
  
Shinji: "Can I get back at her, just this once?"  
  
Me: "Oh, yeah. I'm all for fun and games, but that's just low. Shinji,  
attack!"  
  
"No, Asuka," Shinji replied in an eerily calm voice. "I just found  
something." He slowly rose to his feet, holding Asuka's yellow sundress.  
[Hey, I pressed his confidence switch. Asuka deserves it for this stunt.]  
  
"Shinji Ikari, you better give me that dress back. Just because I hid your  
clothes in my locker . . . oops," Asuka gasped, realizing her mistake. Not  
only did she just admit to pulling a prank on the Third Child, she just  
revealed the location of Shinji's clothes.  
  
"I don't know, Asuka," Shinji spoke, "I think I'll hold on to this until I  
get my clothes back. I might consider returning your dress if you lead me  
to your locker, and don't try anything funny. I'll know if you try  
something."  
  
"Oooh, Shinji, I'm going to kill you!" Asuka screamed as she began to chase  
Shinji around the carrier. "I can't wait until I get my hands on you.  
You're gonna . . . "  
  
"I didn't know you wanted me that bad, Asuka! Maybe we should slow down.  
After all, we just met!" Shinji laughed as he ducked, dodged and faked out  
Asuka.  
  
Meanwhile, Misato and the remaining Stooges were looking on with their  
mouths wide open. They couldn't believe that Shinji was teasing Asuka.  
Just the fact that he was teasing a girl in general was enough to leave  
them speechless. After a few minutes of watching this, they started  
chasing the two pilots, trying their damnedest to keep Shinji safe. Of  
course, they were a little late, since Shinji and Asuka were quickly out of  
sight.  
  
Shinji finally gave Asuka her dress back after she got tired of chasing  
him. Incidentally, that took about twenty minutes of lapping the carrier.  
She got so tired that she chased him right to her locker. However,  
physical exhaustion doesn't always stop Asuka from getting her revenge.  
She locked the door to the locker room as Shinji and her entered. Shinji  
had nowhere to run to.  
  
Unfortunately for Asuka, she forgot that she was in the room with Shinji  
and that the lock was on the other side of the door. This became readily  
apparent as she pounded on the door for her to leave.  
  
"Um, Asuka?" Shinji asked sheepishly.  
  
"What is it?" Asuka snapped back.  
  
"Um, a-are we s-stuck?" he stuttered.  
  
"No, what would give you that idea?" she said, her voice utterly dripping  
with sarcasm.  
  
"S-sorry."  
  
"It's all your fault, you know? If you hadn't taken my dress, we'd not be  
in this mess."  
  
"I'm sorry." Shinji thought a little before adding, "Do they have cameras  
in here?"  
  
"What the hell are you thinking? I am not, repeat, not interested in a  
little boy like you."  
  
"I wasn't thinking like that. I thought that we might be able to call for  
someone else to come unlock the door for us, that's all."  
  
"Hey, that's not a bad idea, Third Child. Oh, wait. They don't have  
cameras in the locker rooms. They decided that people needed their privacy  
when they built this ship."  
  
"Oh," sighed Shinji. "I-I guess there's only one thing to do right now."  
  
"And what, pray tell, would that be? What could we possibly do in here,  
huh?"  
  
"C-change out of t-these plugsuits, p-perhaps?"  
  
"AHA! So that's your plan, you want to gawk over my naked body! Well no  
chance, Shinji," Asuka bellowed as she hid her eyes behind her hands.  
  
"That wasn't the idea at all. It's not like I was suggesting a bath or  
something." Shinji blushed suddenly at the thought of Asuka bathing. "I  
just don't want to be in this plugsuit anymore. Now, could you please turn  
around so I can change my clothes?" Shinji asked as he turned his back to  
Asuka, who was slowly removing her hands from her eyes.  
  
"Are you suggesting that I would look at you . . . " Asuka stopped and  
turned around quickly as she noticed Shinji removing the plugsuit he was  
wearing. She had a red face and was muttering various German curses meant  
for Shinji.  
  
"There, you can turn around now," said Shinji as he finished putting his  
shoes on.  
  
"Why, so you can flash me?" a flustered Asuka barked.  
  
"Oh, you're probably afraid that you'd like what you'd see," Shinji  
deadpanned. [I flipped the confidence switch for him again. God, I love  
seeing Asuka squirm.]  
  
"Oh, yeah. Like a scrawny boy like you would have anything to impress me,"  
Asuka said as she whirled around to see Shinji, fully clothed and smiling.  
  
"Uh, hello," Shinji said timidly. [I turned the switch off, for now. I  
can't make him be confident all the time, or he wouldn't be Shinji.]  
  
"You jerk!" Asuka screamed, "I'll kill you, Ikari!"  
  
"Now, Asuka," Shinji pleaded as he backed into a locker, "please don't do  
anything rash. I was only joking around." [Maybe I went a little too far.]  
Shinji then began to assume a fetal position from inside a locker.  
  
"Oh, Shinji?" Asuka purred as she approached Shinji's position.  
  
"Y-y-yes?"  
  
"Never mind. I guess I should change now," she said as seductively as she  
could without giving poor Shinji a massive nosebleed. "I guess I shouldn't  
have to worry about you seeing me naked. After all, you never know when we  
might have to take a sync test in the nude." [If she only knew how true  
that statement really was . . .]  
  
"H-h-huh?" squeaked Shinji. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was  
she actually allowing Shinji to see her naked? He deliberated with himself  
for a while before deciding that he should be a gentleman and not look.  
[Good Shinji]  
  
Asuka, however, had planned on Shinji to not be a gentleman. As such, she  
teased him a little more. "It's just a shame that you stayed decent," the  
fiendish redhead pouted while rustling her clothes. "Because I really  
wanted to see your cute little butt again."  
  
(Shinji) [I mustn't run away. What am I talking about? There's nowhere to  
run to! I mustn't submit. Like I have a choice! It's a matter of  
survival: look and die, or don't and pray that you live. Wait a minute.  
Did she say I had a cute butt? Is she really interested in me? Nah! It's  
a trap. But what if it isn't? Oh, I don't know what to do . . .]  
  
By this time, Asuka had closed the door of the locker that Shinji crawled  
into. She was congratulating herself for royally messing with the young  
man's head. "That's what you get for messing with the Great Asuka Langley  
Sohryu," she whispered into the door.  
  
Of course, Shinji wasn't paying attention to the fact that someone had  
indeed come in to unlock the locker room door. He was too engrossed in his  
present train of thought to notice Asuka close the locker door and leave  
the room, now dressed in her yellow sundress. He didn't notice until the  
door closed again.  
  
"It's unlocked? I'm free! OW! Hey! Asuka!" Shinji yelled as he stumbled  
out of the locker. "Is anyone in here? No? Good." And with that, he  
left the locker room. Both Shinji and I thanked whatever gods Asuka didn't  
lock the door as she left.  
  
After searching for about an hour, Shinji got to the mess just in time for  
dinner. He was ecstatic that he found Misato, as he had some business to  
talk to her about.  
  
"Shinji!" the purple haired guardian cried, "Thank God! I thought Asuka  
had killed you!"  
  
"I was close, Misato," Shinji said in relief. "I was real damn close to  
being dead."  
  
"What happened? We lost you around the flight deck and couldn't locate  
you."  
  
"Asuka chased me into the locker room," began Shinji. "I got my clothes  
back, and I gave her dress back. Unfortunately, she locked me in the  
locker room." [We just aren't going to mention to Misato that Asuka was  
locked in there too.]  
  
"So that explains it. I was worried that she threw a locker at you or  
something. You have to be more careful around her; she can be mean when  
she wants to be," Misato said ominously.  
  
"Thanks for the warning, Misato," Shinji said before getting to the heart  
of the matter. "Oh, yeah. I needed to talk to you about something."  
  
"Sure, Shinji, what is it?"  
  
"Can I get a paycheck for this gig?"  
  
To Be Continued  
  
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$  
  
Author's notes: I don't know how this chapter got this big. I had a basic  
idea for the chapter, but all these great ideas for some kind of plot  
development just appeared out of nowhere. I'm just afraid of how long the  
later chapters will be. As for Kyoko, I figured that since Unit 02 didn't  
have a megalomaniac talk to it on a regular basis about some master plan,  
Kyoko wouldn't know what's been going on. I don't think it helped that EVA  
didn't take all of Kyoko. I figured that I should include the souls of  
each EVA for various reasons. It will all become clear with the passing of  
time, or of a few more Angels. I just hope you like it. Please read and  
review. I'll have another chapter, when I have another chapter. See ya. 


	3. Chapter Two: Through Muddy Pools of LCL

Disclaimer: Don't own Gainax. Don't own Evangelion. Don't try to sue.  
No money. No point.  
  
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES LIME ELEMENTS  
  
[This is thought]  
  
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$  
  
This Way to Happiness  
  
Chapter Two: Through Muddy Pools of LCL  
  
By FinalMax  
  
A Richter Scale Production  
  
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$  
  
It's been two days since we got back from the "Over the Rainbow." I still  
can't believe that Shinji and Misato had to stay on the ship overnight.  
Sure, we still hadn't reached the shore yet, but why did they stick us in  
the same room with Asuka? I was only glad that Kensuke and Touji were  
airlifted before they could embarrass my host any further. I can still  
remember the events of that evening . . .  
  
#########/BEGIN FLASHBACK/##########  
  
"What?!" shrieked Shinji. "Why do I have to stay too?"  
  
"Because, Shinji," Misato chuckled, "I want a good morning hug, and I  
always get what I want. What, are you embarrassed that you have to spend  
the night in the same room with two beautiful women?"  
  
"Well, um, uh, I guess," Shinji choked out. "What about Pen-Pen? Who's  
going to feed him in the morning? And what about clothes?"  
  
"I already have that taken care of," Misato beamed. "I asked Ritsuko to  
look after him until we got back. It's her day off, so I don't think that  
will be a problem. I told her that he likes his beer with his breakfast.  
Clothes are no problem; I packed an overnight bag for us."  
  
Shinji was shocked. "Wow, I'm surprised that you actually thought ahead."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean, Shinji?" Misato pouted.  
  
"It means you don't use your head," said another voice.  
  
"Huh? Oh, it's you Asuka," Misato said, glaring at the fiery pilot of Unit  
02.  
  
"What do you mean, 'it's you, Asuka?'" the redhead huffed. "Of course it's  
me; I'm just amazed that idiot boy is still here."  
  
"Well, you'd better get comfortable, Asuka, cause Shinji and I are going to  
share your room tonight."  
  
"What?" Asuka screamed. You could just see the steam rising from her ears.  
  
"Y-y-yeah. S-since Kaji-san isn't here, Misato was told to look after you.  
They d-didn't have any more r-rooms for us, s-so they put us in y-your  
room," Shinji answered.  
  
"But that doesn't explain why you're here, dummy."  
  
"M-Misato's my guardian, so I-I guess that they d-didn't want me to b-be  
left alone."  
  
"Oh, that's just great." Asuka said sarcastically. "I have to share my  
room with a pervert and a tramp."  
  
"Just who are you calling a tramp?" bellowed Misato.  
  
"Guess."  
  
"Why you . . . you little bitch," Misato hissed. "You haven't changed at  
all, have you?"  
  
"Like you should talk."  
  
At this point, Shinji decided to play peacemaker. "Now, ladies . . . "  
  
"What?!" Misato and Asuka snapped as they gave death glares to poor Shinji.  
In fact, the combined glare from both women was strong enough to make  
Gendo raise an eyebrow, had he been in the room.  
  
"Maybe we should just get some sleep," Shinji continued, feeling slightly  
tired. "It's been a long day for all of us, and we could all use the rest.  
God knows we won't have much time for sleep when we get back."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Asuka asked.  
  
"Well, Asuka," replied Misato, "you're going to have a sync-test as soon as  
we get Unit 02 in its cage. Then you can expect a thorough physical and  
psychological examination followed by a complete briefing on the location  
of weapons silos and power stations. Then you have . . . "  
  
"Alright already, I get the point." Asuka sighed in defeat, "I'm going to  
have zero free time for a couple of days."  
  
"Let's not forget that I have to show you around town," Shinji added.  
  
"Why you?" Asuka inquired.  
  
"Because Misato will probably be filling out condolences and other  
paperwork for the battle this afternoon. [Also, I drew the short straw.]  
Anyways, I have to show you the way to school."  
  
"School? I have to go to school? I'm a college graduate; I don't need to  
go to school."  
  
"Really, you're a college grad?" Shinji inquired. "I didn't know that, but  
I don't think it matters. I was told that the pilots are expected to be in  
school when they are not at NERV. Something about the UN demanding it or  
they'd cut off their funding."  
  
"Figures," Asuka scoffed. "You'd think that those fossils at the UN would  
excuse a college graduate, but noooo. They just have to make us all go to  
school."  
  
"It's better than being at NERV all day," Misato said. "Believe me."  
  
"I don't want to be in a school with perverts like Shinji and the Stooges,"  
Asuka whined.  
  
"Hey, I'm not a pervert," Shinji said. "I can't help my friends, but don't  
automatically file me as 'Pervert' until you get to know me. I do have  
feelings you know." [Did Kurt hit the confidence switch again? If not,  
then where did that come from?]  
  
"Tell her, Shinji!" whooped Misato. She was obviously pleased that Shinji  
had stood up for himself. She then pondered how she could make Asuka  
squirm and tease Shinji at the same time. Luckily, she didn't know the  
whole story of the locker room incident, or she would have enough material  
to tease the two pilots till doomsday. Suddenly, she had a thought.  
  
"Misato, hello. Earth to Misato, come in," Asuka said as she waved her  
hand in front of Misato's face.  
  
"Huh, what is it?"  
  
"I swear, Misato, you have the attention span of a turnip. Didn't you hear  
a word I said?"  
  
"Nope, I didn't pay attention to you at all. I was just thinking . . . "  
  
"That must have hurt," the redhead interrupted.  
  
"As I was saying," Misato continued, "I was just thinking of our sleeping  
arrangements. I couldn't help but notice that there's only two beds and  
not much room on the floor."  
  
"Yeah. So?" Asuka asked suspiciously.  
  
"There are three of us and only two beds. I guess two of us will have to  
share a bed."  
  
Somewhere in the engine room, the sound of two Children face faulting  
startled an engineer, causing him to hit his head on a pipe. "Damn NERV  
and their damned pilots."  
  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?!" the Children said as they got off the floor.  
  
"You two heard me. Two of us will have to share a bed. Now Asuka, which  
will it be: you and Shinji, or you and me?"  
  
"M-M-Misato!" my host whimpered, his face turning an impressive shade of  
red. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Well, I don't like the idea of you sleeping on the floor of a battleship.  
We don't know where it's been."  
  
"O-Okay Misato. I guess I see your point. I don't really know how clean  
the floor here is." Chuckling a little, Shinji added, "Odds are, this  
floor may have been worse than your room the one time I went in."  
  
"Ha, ha, ha, Shinji's got you there, Misato. I guess she's still a slob,"  
Asuka said before rolling on the floor in laughter.  
  
"Asuka," an annoyed Misato said, "I'm still waiting for an answer. Who is  
going to be the substitute for your teddy bear tonight, me or Shinji?"  
  
"How do you know about Mr. Bear-Bear?" Asuka gasped. It was her turn to  
have a red face.  
  
"I had to deliver your ID card once," Misato narrated with a toothy grin.  
"You were gone somewhere, but you left the door open. I put it on your  
nightstand, when I spotted Mr. Bear-Bear. I thought it was cute, but  
that's beside the point. I know they must have made you pack Mr. Bear-Bear  
up. Now, who's going to play teddy bear tonight?"  
  
"I don't know why you're asking me. If you're so worried about your  
precious Shinji, why don't you ask him? I don't think that pervert would  
mind sleeping with you."  
  
"Actually," Shinji pointed out, "she tries convincing me every Thursday,  
and I've yet to take her up on the offer." Asuka looked at him kind of  
funny until he added, "It's bad enough to get a bear hug every morning from  
her. I really don't want her to crush me in my sleep."  
  
"Besides," Misato whispered to Asuka, "I think Shinji would pass out if I  
asked him. He seems to react like that to the slightest innuendo." [If  
that isn't a setup, I don't know what is.]  
  
Just then, the two women thought on the same wavelength. I like to call  
this particular wavelength the "Teasing Frequency." It is the wavelength I  
observe when women have mischievous thoughts running through their heads.  
I probably should have warned Shinji, but I thought it would be a little  
more fun for Shinji and I to make some mischief of our own. I began  
thinking up a counterstrike to whatever the girls were plotting.  
Unfortunately, I didn't think fast enough.  
  
After Misato nodded in agreement, Asuka asked, "Shinji? What do you think?  
Should I sleep with Misato, or do you want to sleep with me?" I should  
note that Asuka used 'the Voice.' No, I'm not making a reference to Dune;  
I'm talking about the seductive voice women use to tease the guys they're  
interested in. The puppy-dog look she had wasn't helping Shinji's resolve  
either. [Damn it, we'll have to abort Operation Sweatdrop.]  
  
"H-H-H-Huh? W-W-What do you mean? I-I can't sleep with you!" Shinji  
stuttered. His brain was still trying to register what was going on as  
Asuka leaned against him.  
  
"Ah, why not? I don't bite, unless you want me to," Asuka purred in  
Shinji's ear. "I promise you'll enjoy it."  
  
It just figured that Shinji's brain shut down, the victim of obvious  
sensory overload. Between the Sixth Angel and Asuka's teasing, poor  
Shinji's brain blew a fuse. However, one part of Shinji was paying very  
close attention. Unfortunately, that proved to be more of a problem than  
usual, since Shinji fainted from the rapid shift in blood pressure  
throughout his body.  
  
As Shinji fell to the floor, I heard Misato say, "I told you he'd faint,  
Asuka. I guess we'll put a blanket on the floor for Shinji. I doubt he'll  
wake before dawn. Really, Asuka, did you have to go that far? That's  
overkill!"  
  
"I know, I know." Tilting her head to one side, Asuka continued, "It's  
still funny . . . "  
  
Me: "Shinji! Shinji! Damn! I probably should have pressed the  
confidence switch. Now I have to jumpstart his brain. Where's that  
emergency override I saw earlier? Alright, take a left at the  
cerebellum and head towards the left eardrum. That seems easy enough.  
(Arriving at the emergency override) You've got to be kidding me. A  
megaphone is the emergency override? Who the hell designed this  
place, a circus clown? Oh well, I guess it's better than nothing.  
(Shouting) SHINJI! ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?"  
  
Shinji: (Somewhat startled) "What the hell was that?"  
  
Me: (back in the hypothalamus) "I just used the emergency override.  
Usually, it's used to wake your body up, but your whole mind needed  
the jumpstart. (Sigh) We really need to work on your reactions to  
implied sexual advances."  
  
Shinji: (puzzled) "Huh?"  
  
Me: "I mean you need to stop freezing when girls flirt with you.  
You could avoid a lot of embarrassment in the future if you stop  
fainting."  
  
Shinji: "I can't help it; I haven't had much contact with girls,  
especially the drop dead gorgeous girls."  
  
Me: "I understand. I may not be a Casanova, but I know how to make  
friends with women. I should probably teach you a few things that  
virtually all girls have in common."  
  
Shinji: "What do you mean?"  
  
Me: "I was almost entirely raised by women, so theoretically, I  
should have a better idea what women think than most men do. They  
thought that at least one man should have some clue. One thing I've  
already learned is that man can only catch a woman who wants him to  
catch her. This is why some men can do nothing and still 'win'  
women's hearts, while others could move heaven and earth yet never get  
a date."  
  
Shinji: "Wow! I didn't know that. Is there any more?"  
  
Me: "Yeah, there is. Most of it's situational, so I'll teach you  
when the situations arise."  
  
Shinji: "Thanks. Just don't talk to me about a woman's period.  
Misato already explained it to me in excruciating detail."  
  
Me: (Shuddering at the thought) "Oooh, I understand. Hey, what time  
is it?" (Gave him time to look at his watch)  
  
Shinji: "It's 1:30. I guess I should change now. I don't want to  
spend the rest of the night in these clothes."  
  
Me: "Good idea, you do that."  
  
Shinji changed into the sleepwear Misato packed for him. I'm guessing  
Misato bought it as a present for Shinji, considering it was pre-packaged  
and had a note saying, "Wear this at night, okay? Sweet Dreams Shinji.  
Love, Misato." I had to admit I was surprised myself. Did she expect  
Shinji to pass out before Asuka and her went to bed? That, and how much  
did she spend on that? It looks like it's made from pure silk. Anyways,  
Shinji looked for his SDAT in the bag but didn't find it. He probably  
should have checked his jacket, where he left it.  
  
Shinji got back to the spot on the floor he was resting on earlier, waiting  
for sleep to come to him. He was about to fall asleep, when he heard a  
soft cry. We wondered who it could be, whether it was someone in Asuka's  
room or an adjacent room. Actually, I should say Shinji wondered who was  
crying. I already had a clue who it was. After all, it sounded like a  
woman crying, and we were sharing a room with the only two women on the  
whole damned ship.  
  
Shinji looked around our room first. It wasn't Misato, since she was  
snoring softly with a goofy grin on her face. I swear that her grin looked  
more devious than Shinji could remember it being. After Shinji wiped the  
drool off her chin, we turned our attention to Asuka's bed.  
  
Asuka looked scared in her bed. No, not scared, she was terrified. She  
was clutching her sheets as if her life depended on it. She was shaking  
her head as if it would make her nightmare go away. She had two tears fall  
from her face onto her pillow. As we got closer to her bed, Shinji and I  
both had the same thought cross our collective head. [What should I/Shinji  
do? She looks so helpless. I can't stand it!]  
  
Shinji was about to wake her up, when Asuka's arms shot out, grabbed him by  
the neck, and drew him closer to her. Shinji suddenly found his head  
nestled firmly in Asuka's bosom, with no apparent way to get out. Shinji  
and I found ourselves in an awkward position: we could wake Asuka now and  
possibly be killed, or we could wait until her hold on Shinji lessened. We  
chose to wait it out.  
  
Strangely, at the very moment Asuka grabbed Shinji, she seemed to calm  
down. Whenever her grip relaxed and Shinji tried to get away, however,  
Asuka tightened her grip on the 'Shinji bear.' After the third escape  
attempt, Shinji and I gave up and decided to just enjoy the moment.  
  
Around two o'clock, Asuka decided to go to the bathroom. We were afraid  
she'd wake up and kill us, or at the very least, she'd let us go. Neither  
outcome took place. Instead, Asuka got out of bed and walked to the  
nearest restroom, still holding Shinji's neck like a teddy bear. She  
finally let go of Shinji when she was getting ready to actually use the  
bathroom. Shinji saw his opportunity and ran to the door, only to find  
that Asuka locked it. Shinji didn't have a clue what to do, and Asuka was  
almost done.  
  
Me: "Shinji! What the hell do you think you're doing? Here you  
are, alone, in the bathroom, with a beautiful girl, and you want to  
run away? What's wrong with you, man?"  
  
Shinji: "I don't want to be killed, that's all! Self-preservation  
takes priority over personal enjoyment."  
  
Me: "Shinji, that's just preserving your existence, not living.  
There's a difference."  
  
Shinji: "Okay, then. Why don't you tell me what I need to do?"  
  
Me: "Take chances, make mistakes, do some things without thinking  
about consequences. That's what you need to do to live. Never forget  
that."  
  
Shinji: "What does that have to do with this situation?"  
  
Me: "You are thinking about the consequences of staying. Did you  
ever think that she'd wake up because you're not there?"  
  
Shinji: "No, why?"  
  
Me: (Sighing) "Just sit back and enjoy the night. This kind of  
thing doesn't happen every day, and you owe it to your fellow man to  
enjoy it."  
  
Shinji: "Really?"  
  
Me: "Nah, I just made that up. Seriously though, you need to relax  
and enjoy the pleasant surprises life brings. Besides, Asuka seems to  
feel better when she has her teddy bear, (teasingly) or in this case,  
her 'Shinji bear.'"  
  
Shinji: "Don't call me that."  
  
Me: (Chuckling) "Relax, I was just illustrating a point. For now,  
it's probably in Asuka's best interest if you continue to play 'teddy  
bear.' It's your choice, though. I personally couldn't stand seeing  
a girl like her crying. Could you?"  
  
Shinji: "No, I guess not. (after a pause to consider) All right, I'll  
do it. I'll just deal with the consequences when everyone wakes up."  
  
Me: "Good. Let's get back now; she's almost done."  
  
Shinji: "Okay. Kurt?"  
  
Me: "Yeah?"  
  
Shinji: "Thanks."  
  
Me: "No problem."  
  
Shinji went back to the spot where Asuka let go of his head just as she was  
reaching out for him. Again, Asuka dragged Shinji around, but Shinji  
managed to walk at the same pace. When we reached the bedroom, Asuka put  
her 'teddy bear' on the bed before she crawled in. We had to quickly get  
under the covers before Asuka. If we didn't, then Shinji would pin down  
the covers, and Asuka might wake while she attempted to get in bed.  
  
We barely managed to get Shinji under the covers before Asuka crawled in.  
Shinji rolled onto his side to give the redheaded beauty some space.  
Shinji was still facing Asuka, just to check if she needed more room. As  
Asuka got into her bed, she wrapped her arms around Shinji's waist and  
pulled him closer. Shinji and Asuka's faces were mere centimeters away  
from each other.  
  
I could tell that Shinji was quite tempted to kiss Asuka in her sleep.  
Hell, just about any man that is that close to an attractive young woman  
would be tempted to do that and then some. I was surprised to see that he  
was already closing the gap between their lips. [Guess my speech worked a  
little too well.] Two centimeters. One centimeter. Five millimeters.  
Four. Three. Two . . .  
  
Just before their lips could meet, a tear rolled down Asuka's cheek,  
followed by a light sniffle. That stopped Shinji's approach and made him  
back up a bit. Shinji looked Asuka over as he tried to determine why she  
was crying. As he observed the auburn-haired maiden before him, I was  
trying to read her emotions. I sensed an overpowering emotion from her,  
although I couldn't quite place it yet.  
  
"Don't," Asuka said sleepily. "Don't leave me alone. Stay here with me.  
Don't go!" Trembling and still asleep, Asuka pulled Shinji closer to her  
as I finally understood what I sensed. Fear. Fear is what I felt from  
Asuka. I felt that Shinji and I had to help her somehow. I couldn't  
interfere with her dreams, because I was afraid I'd make them worse. We  
had no choice; Shinji would have to comfort her.  
  
Me: "Shinji."  
  
Shinji: "Yeah, Kurt. What is it?"  
  
Me: "Something's really scaring Asuka. I won't go in her dreams  
because I might make them worse. So you'll have to comfort her."  
  
Shinji: "How am I going to do that?"  
  
Me: "I'll tell you. It's time to teach you another one of the  
things all women have in common. Thankfully, this can be applied to  
the current situation."  
  
Shinji: "What is it?"  
  
Me: "All women have certain vulnerable points. When these points  
are properly stimulated, a woman will almost instantly calm. One of  
these points is just below the left shoulder blade."  
  
Shinji: "Why there?"  
  
Me: "Easy. They can't reach it when it itches. This itch can  
actually worsen when a woman is wearing a bra, because it rubs up  
against this spot. In order to properly exploit this sensitive point,  
you must scratch that spot. It is virtually guaranteed to work,  
unless the woman is sore. Then it just makes her mad. Given our  
current predicament, it is in our interests to start slowly and  
gently. If Asuka is still uncomfortable, adjust the speed and  
strength of the scratching motion until we achieve the desired  
effect."  
  
Shinji: "And what is the desired effect?"  
  
Me: "Asuka stops crying and trembling, and her grip on you may  
loosen."  
  
Shinji: "But what if the back scratch doesn't work?"  
  
Me: "Good question. (After a moment) Wing it!"  
  
Shinji: "Huh?"  
  
Me: "You'll have to do this yourself. I can only suggest that you  
don't try to wake Asuka up, since I have no idea what she'll do to  
you."  
  
Shinji: "Okay, I'll remember that."  
  
Me: "Good luck, Shinji."  
  
Shinji: "Thanks, I'll need it."  
  
Shinji slowly wrapped his arms around Asuka and began to gently scratch her  
back. Oddly enough, he decided to scratch underneath both shoulder blades.  
[Better safe than sorry.] He started with an up-and-down motion with  
limited success. Asuka calmed a little, but neither her tears nor her hold  
on Shinji lessened.  
  
After he sighed, Shinji scratched her back in a circular motion. He  
experimented with different ways to scratch Asuka's back. He scratched her  
back in a clockwise manner, then counterclockwise. Asuka calmed a little  
more after each try, but still hadn't stopped crying. Then Shinji used his  
right hand to scratch her left shoulder blade clockwise while his left  
scratched her right shoulder blade counterclockwise. This made Asuka calm  
down even more, but it still wasn't enough. Even when Shinji went in  
reverse, Asuka couldn't calm down.  
  
Suddenly, inspiration must have struck Shinji. He stopped scratching  
Asuka's back and pulled her closer to him. He brushed a stray strand of  
the Germanic beauty's red hair with his right hand and gently caressed her  
face. Shinji gently rocked Asuka in his arms before he kissed her. He  
didn't kiss her on the lips like he tried to before, but rather he kissed  
her forehead. After he gave Asuka two light kisses to her forehead, Shinji  
brought his face close to her ear. Before he resumed scratching Asuka's  
back, he whispered to her, "Everything will be all right. I'll stay with  
you. Sweet dreams, Asuka."  
  
As Shinji spoke those soft words, Asuka finally calmed down completely,  
succumbing to the brown-haired pilot's gentle caress. As Shinji drifted to  
sleep, he saw one of the most heavenly sights his young eyes had ever seen.  
Right before his eyes, we saw Asuka sleeping with an absolutely serene  
smile on her face. It was the kind of smile that you see when someone  
knows that everything will be all right. I could tell the sight moved  
Shinji, as a similar smile was on his face.  
  
Me: "Shinji. (After a minute) Shinji! Hello, earth to Shinji, come in  
Shinji!"  
  
Shinji: "Huh? What is it now Kurt?"  
  
Me: "Where did that idea come from? I know I told you to wing it,  
but I don't know how you got the idea of holding Asuka like that! I  
have to admit, it was impressive how you got her calm. No offence,  
but I didn't think you had that much confidence."  
  
Shinji: "I suddenly remembered something my mother did whenever I was  
afraid. She used to hold me like that and would whisper soothing  
words in my ear. Sometimes, she'd sing a song to calm me down. It's  
funny; I couldn't remember it until I saw Asuka crying like that. The  
memory just came from thin air, and I just felt like it would work on  
her. I'm glad it did, because I don't think I would've seen her smile  
like that."  
  
Me: "Me too. I didn't even think she could make that kind of  
smile."  
  
Shinji: "I saw her make that smile before."  
  
Me: "Really? When? Where?"  
  
Shinji: "In the entry plug. She made that smile right after we  
defeated the angel."  
  
Me: "Wow. I'm impressed. (Teasingly) Maybe she only smiles like  
that for you."  
  
Shinji: (Yawning) "I'm too tired to deal with your teasing, Kurt.  
Good night."  
  
Me: "Good night, Shinji. (after a moment of thought) Hey, Shinji."  
  
Shinji: (Annoyed and tired) "What now, Kurt?"  
  
Me: "Considering how close you are to Asuka right now, I'll have to  
make sure certain bodily reactions are in check."  
  
Shinji: "Huh?"  
  
Me: "In other words, I'm going to make sure that you don't have  
morning wood, so Asuka won't kill you."  
  
Shinji: "Good thinking. Now let me sleep."  
  
As Shinji slept, I worked on keeping his hormones under control. First, I  
tried redirecting them to his arms, but that made Shinji's hands head south  
on Asuka. I had to override that action before we all had a rude  
awakening. Then I tried directing the hormones towards his back, but all  
that did was make the sensation of Asuka's arms around him more arousing.  
It really didn't help that her arms roamed a bit. Finally, I redirected  
the hormones to his feet. [There's no way those could cause any trouble,  
right?] Thankfully, all that it did was make Shinji's legs wrap around  
Asuka's. If anything, I just prevented Asuka from kicking Shinji in the  
morning. Figuring that nothing will happen in the morning, I decided to  
check on the sleeping pilots' dreams.  
  
First, I checked Shinji's dream. It appears that my efforts to prevent an  
early demise resulted in giving him more, um, pleasant dreams. I'll  
abbreviate the details. Shinji. Asuka. Rei. Hot tub. King-size bed.  
Massage oil. Use your imagination. To say the very least, he was sleeping  
with a smile on his face.  
  
After making a mental note to talk to Shinji about the limits of human  
flexibility, I went over to Asuka's head to check on her dreams. I quickly  
found Asuka's control center and watched the replay of her dream. A  
younger Asuka stood under a spotlight with dozens of people around her. As  
she grew, people started walking into the shadows just beyond the light.  
One by one, they left, ignoring Asuka's desperate pleas for them to stay.  
Finally, only Kaji remained. She clung to Kaji, still begging for him to  
stay. In response, he held Asuka and rocked her gently. As he slowly  
kissed her forehead, Kaji morphed into Shinji. Asuka gasped a little at  
the sudden and confusing change. The shock slowly turned into delight as  
Shinji held the temperamental German closer to him.  
  
I switched to the live feed, which stayed at the same scene. When Shinji  
turned her around and whispered in her ear, Asuka's dream switched to Unit  
02's entry plug, during the Angel battle. After her and Shinji defeated  
the Angel, Shinji nibbled on her left ear. Asuka turned around and gave  
the dream Shinji a deep, passionate kiss. She let Shinji's hands roam  
around her as she did the same for him. It was at this point that I heard  
a sound. I recognized the sound as the song, "Let's Get It On." [Well, at  
least she knows some mood music.] After identifying the song, I looked  
back at the scene and deleted my mental note. [Guess I don't have to worry  
about Asuka not being flexible enough.]  
  
I didn't know what was happening outside the dream, so I left Asuka's body  
to investigate. Sure enough, she was pressing her body into Shinji's and  
softly moaned into his neck. "Damn it!" I said to myself. "Now I have to  
go back to work." [And I was going to talk to Kyoko about the early  
portion of Asuka's dream.] Suddenly, it hit me. [What if Asuka begins to  
moan loud enough to wake Misato?] "Dear God," I pleaded, "please keep  
Asuka quiet. I don't think Shinji will survive the combined assault of  
Asuka and Misato." I quickly had to get back to redirecting hormones and  
blood flow, as it was 4:30 am. I redirected the blood to his hands and  
brain. Likewise, I directed the hormones to Shinji's arms and legs. Again  
they made their previous movements, thus both preventing Asuka from harming  
Shinji when they woke and making the redhead moan a little louder.  
Fortunately, she had buried her head in his shoulder, so the sound was  
muffled.  
  
This time I'd have to stay in Shinji to insure that his reactions are still  
impaired. Suddenly, Asuka's grip on Shinji tightened as her body tensed.  
I'm guessing that her whole body blushed, since she suddenly warmed up.  
Now, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that Asuka was  
thoroughly enjoying the direction her dream went. It was pretty obvious to  
any conscious person or mind.  
  
As the first rays of daylight swept across the sky, I realized a new  
problem. Shinji and I knew how long Misato slept, but not how long Asuka  
would sleep. Shinji would be waking up pretty soon, and that might do more  
harm than good. I had to keep Shinji asleep for a bit longer, until I knew  
what to do. In my panic, I turned the internal alarm clock off and  
accidentally hit the dream replay button. [Damn it, why does the replay  
button have to be so close to the snooze button.] I decided to forgo  
messing with his hormones and just stick to redirecting the blood flow. I  
allowed only the minimum amount of blood head towards its previous  
destination. The rest of the blood was distributed equally throughout the  
rest of the body.  
  
As Misato opened her eyes, she noticed three things. She wasn't in her  
apartment and hadn't had a beer since yesterday morning, and Shinji wasn't  
asleep on the floor. She got out of bed and was about to go look for her  
roommate, when she noticed a large lump in Asuka's bed. Something didn't  
add up in her head: Shinji should have been on the floor, and Asuka's bed  
looked like it had two people in it.  
  
Fear for her life and her job was apparent from the sweat on her brow. Her  
fears grew as only two possibilities played through her mind. Either Asuka  
jumped Shinji, or she strangled our hero and was planning to use a self-  
defense argument. Misato knew that Shinji couldn't take the initiative and  
make an advance on any woman. She also knew that he wouldn't harm another  
person if it could be helped, so he wouldn't have put up much resistance in  
either scenario.  
  
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Misato decided to approach the bed and  
see if she was right. As she looked at the sleeping form of Asuka in  
Shinji's arms, Misato released the breath she unconsciously held. She knew  
her roommate wasn't dead because his breath stirred some of the sleeping  
German's red hair. Every time her hair moved across her neck, Asuka  
tightened her grip on Shinji and nuzzled his shoulder. (Misato) [Wait a  
minute! She's got her arms wrapped around my little Shinji! What the hell  
happened last night? I'm gonna get to the bottom of this! Hmm, now which  
one should I wake first, Shinji or Asuka? I'd better wake Shinji, since  
he'd give a better answer than Asuka.]  
  
As Misato was about to shake Shinji awake, she saw a genuinely serene smile  
on the sleeping pilot's face. It made her rethink how she would wake  
Shinji. After a couple moments of thinking, Misato brought her face closer  
to Shinji's. She said in a voice just loud enough for the young boy to  
hear, "Shinji. Wake up, sleepyhead."  
  
Shinji slowly opened his eyes as he heard the voice and looked at his  
surroundings. He smiled a bit as he looked at the sleeping beauty in his  
arms, but it was the sight of Misato that made him fully awake. "M-M-  
Misato!" Shinji whispered. "I can explain."  
  
"You'd better explain, and fast," Misato sternly said in the same soft  
voice she used to wake Shinji. She knew that Asuka was someone you'd have  
to wake gently, for safety reasons. Sensing that Misato wouldn't go until  
he explained himself, Shinji told Misato about last night, carefully  
omitting the internal dialogs I shared with him. As Shinji recalled his  
interesting night, Misato's face changed from a stern officer's to a soft  
mother's. "Aw," Misato cooed. "That's so sweet. (Teasingly) My Shinji's  
got a girlfriend."  
  
"Misato! She's not my girlfriend," Shinji blushed at the statement. "I  
just don't like seeing someone cry. I don't know exactly why she cried,  
but it was tearing me apart. I can't just sit back and watch her suffer,  
so I did my best to comfort her."  
  
"I understand. You just wanted to help, right?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess so."  
  
"Well that's good. I'm gonna bathe and get ready, so you just stay here,"  
Misato said with a small twinkle in her eyes.  
  
"Okay. See you when you get back Misato," Shinji whispered. He then  
turned his attention back to the angelic form in his arms. "You know what,  
Asuka? You may be cute when you're awake, but you're absolutely gorgeous  
when you're asleep. (To himself) It figures that I can say stuff like this  
only when nobody can hear me. How pathetic."  
  
Misato came back about a half hour later, clean, sober, and fully clothed.  
"Shinji?" she asked. "Would you wake sleeping beauty up?"  
  
"Okay, I'll wake her."  
  
"Wake her up gently, Shinji. She doesn't quite like being shaken."  
  
"Okay, Misato." Shinji swept back a few stray strands of Asuka's fiery  
hair before carefully drawing himself closer to her ear. "Asuka," he  
whispered. "It's morning. Time to wake up." All Asuka did was bury her  
head further into his shoulder and mumble, "Just five more minutes."  
  
Shinji, never one to question a woman's request, waited five more minutes  
before renewing his effort to wake the German fireball resting comfortably  
beside him. During this period, Shinji observed the young maiden sleeping  
in front of him. He noticed the soft texture and creamy color of Asuka's  
skin. Her ears weren't pierced, but rather they had a natural indentation  
that could easily be mistaken for a piercing. Shinji absently noticed that  
Asuka's hair smelled of strawberries and cream, with just a hint of LCL.  
The scent had an intoxicating effect on the brown-haired pilot. Shinji was  
so entranced by the German beauty's hair that he failed to notice Asuka  
beginning to awaken.  
  
Asuka wasn't entirely awake when she opened her eyes, seeing Shinji holding  
her to him. Believing that she was still dreaming, Asuka said in a sultry  
voice, "Mmm, Shinji, you were wonderful."  
  
"Huh?" Shinji muttered, puzzled at the young Fraulein's statement. [What in  
the hell was she dreaming about last night? Better yet, do I want to  
know?] He looked at Misato, who currently was chuckling softly. As Misato  
felt his gaze, she motioned for Shinji to play along with Asuka for a  
little longer. Shinji blinked his acknowledgement, partly because he  
wanted to know what went through the redhead's mind, and partly to have a  
little fun.  
  
"Well," Shinji softly said to Asuka, "I aim to please."  
  
"You did, alright," said Asuka, before leaning in for a kiss.  
  
Shinji froze, as Asuka got closer to his lips. He couldn't believe that  
she was about to kiss him, as he tried to last night. As the distance  
between them closed, Shinji shut his eyes in preparation for this new  
experience. He absently wondered if Asuka's lips would taste like  
strawberries. His friends had discussed the whole notion of kissing with  
him once. They told him that every girl's kiss has a different taste.  
  
Just moments before the teens' lips met, Misato cleared her throat, loudly.  
Shinji quickly pulled back as Asuka gave him a confused look. It took a  
few moments for Asuka's brain to register three facts. First, she wasn't  
dreaming. Second, somehow, Shinji was lying comfortably with her in bed.  
Third, they had an audience. Using the complex calculus she learned in  
college, she put two and two together and came up with . . . five.  
  
Indeed, something about this whole scenario didn't quite add up. [How did  
Shinji get in my bed? Why did he get in my bed? And why are his arms  
around me?] It wasn't that she didn't like it, because she did.  
Considering her dream, Asuka found it pleasantly ironic that the focus of  
the latter part of said dream was really in bed with her. The questions  
she asked herself were pushed aside as she remembered that she had an  
audience.  
  
Asuka collected her thoughts as she prepared to save face. She took a  
long, deep breath before . . . "Baka-Hentai!" Asuka screamed as Shinji  
jumped off the bed, thus taking both of them tumbling to the floor. "How  
dare you! You'd better explain yourself quick! And it better be good, or  
I'll . . . "  
  
"Now, Asuka," Shinji said as he crawled backwards from the redhead, "I-I  
can explain. Just give me a minute . . . "  
  
Misato, struggling to keep her composure, giggled. That giggle turned into  
a chuckle, which progressed into a soft laugh. Within seconds, Misato was  
holding her stomach as she let loose hysterical laughter, the likes of  
which I've never before witnessed. "You should have seen the look on your  
face, Asuka," Misato said between breaths. "It *Ha* was so *Hehe* funny.  
It was almost as priceless as Shinji's when I woke him up."  
  
"You mean you woke HIM up before ME?" roared a red-faced Asuka as steam  
blew from her ears in embarrassment. "How long was he up?"  
  
"Oh, I'd say about forty-five minutes."  
  
"WHAT! I hope you had the sense to stay in the room that whole time!"  
Asuka was now angry.  
  
"Actually," Misato said weakly, "I was gone for a half hour"  
  
"YOU WERE WHAT?" Okay, now Asuka had gone from angry to absolutely pissed  
off. "He could have done something perverted while you were gone. Did you  
ever think about that?"  
  
For the sake of my host and his guardian, I decided to once more press the  
confidence switch. [Damn, I hope this works!] "Asuka," Shinji said in a  
calm, tranquil voice, "I was only admiring the wondrous beauty of your  
face. I wouldn't dream of doing anything to ruin your magnificent pristine  
form."  
  
The flames that were circling Asuka's head died down from Shinji's comment.  
Slowly, she made her way to Shinji, knelt down, and stared straight into  
his eyes. "Now listen here, Third Child," Asuka hissed. "If I ever find  
out that you've lied to me, I'll crush your balls into dust and put them in  
a dust buster. Got it?"  
  
"Y-Y-Yes, ma'am," gulped Shinji, suddenly crossing his legs in fear.  
  
"Good," Asuka said before switching to a cheery voice. "Let's eat!"  
  
#####################END FLASHBACK#########################  
  
Today, Shinji has school and a synch test. He was still a little concerned  
about Asuka. She's currently living in the barracks at NERV HQ. We've  
heard that Shinji's father living in that same building. Personally, I  
feel a great deal of pity for anyone who lives in the same block as Gendo,  
let alone the same building.  
  
To Be Continued  
  
**************************************************************  
  
AN: I've been racking my brain trying to finish this flashback. I know  
what I'll have happen after the flashback, but it may take me a while to  
really finish this chapter. School's about to start up again, so it may be  
another couple months till the next update. I may decide to not make this  
a flashback.  
  
AN: I've decided that I'm splitting Chapter Two into two parts. The  
length of the flashback was an unexpected development. The next part 


End file.
